Today, I was going to blog a rant about other crap. Hey, I’ve enjoyed being able to rant and others see it. I like to think I might even get people thinking. Anyways, that rant is on the back burner, at least for today as my brother and sister in law just had their their first baby at 8:31 am EST. It is such a mystery, sometimes, what life is and the means that we do to bring life into the world.
I never wanted kids. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a doctor, living in a high rise apartment in New York City with a maid so I wouldn’t have to clean. As I got older, my wants changed as they do for everyone. I started thinking about having a family with partners that I’ve had over the years whether they were male or female. With my girlfriends, who would carry the child, where would the sperm come from and with my fiance’ (and now husband) when would we start trying? I guess now I do want kids, two would be great, close in age as to have a bond (like Brandon and I do) and hopefully one boy and one girl. I am 32 so naturally my clock is ticking but I don’t care, I just want the experience of motherhood. My mother was tough as nails and worked 3 jobs to make sure Brandon and I ate, I think I am lucky to have my husband doing it with me.
I have never seen my brother so happy as to the picture of him holding his son.
I wish Brandon and his wife LaDonna the best, and of course, know that Hunter will have a crazy Aunt and Uncle to help him along.
Today was history making in (finally) letting same sex couples to have the same rights to get married and have it legally be seen in every state of our country. It is such an amazing day because not too long ago, I was one who couldn’t make my relationship legal. I remember having to have legal paperwork specially written out to give my partner my insurance if I died, a will to over throw my blood family so my partner was power of attorney and to know that we would never be seen legally as a committed couple. It was frustrating and sad… and always a sore spot with me and the partners I had had over the years. Some were serious and if given the opportunity at the time, we might have been married at the time.
Fast forward to now, I am married to man ( who I think was worth waiting for, everything happens for a reason) but still feel so strongly for my friends that final have what I was able to get with a man. I am so grateful and lucky to be able to have seen this in my lifetime, I never thought that it would happen. Jokingly, my husband asked if I was going to leave him to married some hot babe, I laughed out-loud, even though I wouldn’t leave him for a hot babe to marry, the option is there now… I could marry a hot babe… and it is so awesome.
This is certainly a time to celebrate! So hug a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transperson today… We are at the best of humanity, if anything, for today.
Hi All, it’s been a few days. You might be a little curious about the title and it is really just the word that I seem to have on my mind lately. I don’t know why, but in idle mode the last few days. I work, but was hired at part time hours so, the last month I have only been working my day job for 20 hours a week. Naturally one would “yay! a break!” uh, not a month of it, I’d rather work, thanks… I’d write a little, clean house, have dinner ready for my husband, and try to be productive… But my productivity ends up being me watching Victorian history shows that explain the hidden killers of the time… Did you know that the wallpaper of the time had arsenic in it and that’s why every one was sick? Who knew?
I guess the mood is that I am idle and without an outside force to push me I get stuck idle mode. Even now, while I type, I’m thinking of the next thing to do because I am actively doing something… It’s weird. And the opposite of that is, if I’m not actively thinking or doing something, then nothing comes and the brain shuts down… kinda reminds me of my cell phone… I’d rather drain my battery.
I guess something else too is that I look for stimulation online, in music, and the people around me… Considering my stimulation is Snickers (my dog) no wonder I’m idle. Time to get a shock to the system I think…
I had to come back and add something real quick… What is it about music?? I am cook dinner late for Jason and Otis Redding got me dancing and lip-singing like Ducky in Pretty in Pink… one of those moments where the song is freaking perfect.
Song of the day : Try a Little Tenderness by Otis Redding
When I was younger, I had absolutely no desire to learn how to run a home. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew, I always had the same answer… To live in a high rise apartment in New York City, working as a doctor and having a maid. I didn’t have aspirations for motherhood, wifedom or homemaker. The women of my family were and still are the strongest, most outspoken, and wackiest women I have ever met. My grandmother was the Queen of the family, she kept us all together and until she passed away, we all got together for family reunions.
She ruled with an iron fist, or better a iron heart. She was born and raised in Verona, Italy before World War II. She used to tell stories about her time under Mussolini’s leadership. Her and my grandfather met in Verona at a club, either knowing each other’s language. To this day, Grandpa still has his translation book next to his bed. Nona was an amazing woman, she’d let us all know who was boss and it certainly wasn’t Grandpa. She cooked every meal, cleaned every inch of her house, worked from home as a seamstress and knew everything there was to know about her home. Grandpa worked out of the house and was rarely there, their time was after Mass on Sundays. Grandpa always took these times to show the love and devote that he felt for his wife of 49 years; sometimes he’d grill so she wouldn’t have to cook, they’d get a babysit for me and my brother and go to the Italian Club to dance, or they’d invite some friends of theirs over and they have an adult card game night while My brother and I camped in the back yard with friends of ours (usually grandkids of their friends). Later in life, They’d just sit together, holding hands and listen to music from their youth.
As an adult now, my views of life are different, and as a wife myself, it’s so weird to think of what I wanted as a 4 year old girl. (and a teen (I wanted a girlfriend) and early 20’s (I wanted a partner (male or female, it didn’t matter)who was the domesticated one). I was not going to be the homemaker.
Now, I am a Mistress of the house. I cook and clean, organize and shop, I make sure that my husband and I have what we need. He tends to the bills and makes sure that we have a roof over our heads that is comfortable and safe, while I turn this building in to a home with food, cleanliness and love. When writing this out, I have come to the conclusion that I have become domesticated. Which is just so different than I have ever imagined. I’m even enjoying it a bit… Getting things the way I want them to be slowly. My Nona would be so happy for me, she thought I was destined to be a nun, the way I used to talk. ( If only she knew… I used to write erotica about lesbian nuns. )
My husband says he’s lucky to have me, of course I am lucky to have him too. He has the domesticated version of me, the strong Italian woman version of me, and we want kids… I hear my Nona and my mother in my head telling what to clean and want to cook… I hope I make both of them proud.
I have a blog. I have always wanted to start one but something always got in the way, didn’t know how to start one, confidence in what I had to say, crazy exes telling me I was too stupid to even get my thoughts out there (yep, I have some darker crap in my life), timing, and even good old fashion laziness.
But I’m here now!!! WAAAHAHAHA!!!
I am writing a novel or at least trying to. I have issues with staying seated long enough to write and letting ideas fly out of my head before writing even a note down. Part of having this blog is so maybe to find a way to stay committed. I read somewhere, to be a good writer you have to write… So, here I write.
The novel doesn’t have any real guts yet, I’m still in the get – ideas – and – just – write phase. but what I do know is that it is surrounding a creepy house I found while driving to my mother’s house.
My husband (Jason is his name) and I were driving to my mother’s for a weekend visit to the middle of fucking nowhere Blackstone, VA (From Chesapeake,VA). I had put the wrong address into my GPS and somehow we ended up in Lawerenceville, VA. The town itself looked like it was dying a slow and painful death with the downtown area being filled with closed shops and the sporadic store that was still open. St. Paul’s college was once open there and I have a theory that that was why the town was there in the first place. Any ways, we turn up the street and see this
I was so intrigued! It was the creepy house on the hill overlooking the dying town. Jason and I actually went up to the house and it was beautiful, the whole street that it was on was part of the school and none had residents there. It was sad. We ran into a guard that was guarding the school and he didn’t pay us mind. But that was the beginning of a stirring of a novel.
There are a few things I want the story to have that I am unwavering about, first, the main character is going to be a bisexual teen and second her best friend (maybe lover down the road, not sure yet) will be a transman (a person who has transitioned from female to male). I’ve already hit my closer friend with question marks on their faces but who cares! It is my story and I want to do it right.
I hope to see where my teens go on their journey, the creep house being the inspiration for the scary side of things…
Song of the day: My Best Theory by Jimmy Eat World